How Many Calories are in This?

The question I often heard to myself in my sleep is, “How many calories are in this?” Yes, I was and still can sometimes be this woman. It’s not the worst question you can ask. It can just simply mean you truly care about what is going into your body. For me? Not so much. I CONSTANTLY worried that even if something had low calories or even zero, that there is hidden calories and it’s wrong on the packaging so i am not going to eat today. That’s a raw, horrible eating disorder that I never want anyone to go through but it sadly affects individuals of all ages. I have mostly healed from that mindset, and it is NOT easy.

I don’t want to go into numbers on the scales because this is not an easy topic for me. It was a very empty, lonely and self destroying condition that I thought eventually would kill me. I am 50 pounds MORE than what I should be and that’s OKAY. I am working on it in a HEALTHY way that is also nourishing to my mental health as well.

My advice is, anyone with a eating disorder, please seek professional help. I’m not a professional but i will GLADLY talk with anyone about what they are struggling with and how we can figure out how to help them together. Sometimes, depression leaks into these kind of disorders and its hard for an individual to WANT to seek help. Motivation comes first with depression. After help is initiated and your mind is getting relief from all the negative energy, you will feel at least a little better and that there is HOPE. Once you reach the mental state of knowing there’s hope, it comes together. You will start loving yourself. Loving all the flaws and loving your body even more after the long hard battle it has fought.

You will be able to join your friends in a night out at Applebee’s for $1 Margaritas without worrying the whole time if you are looking a little bloated. As for Men, Enjoy your beer – or whatever you drink because this can live in men as well. You will be able to not be the odd one who isn’t eating Thanksgiving dinner but treating their self to a sliced apple. It’s a JOURNEY but you will get through it and be stronger than ever. People don’t take it as serious as they should, it’s a condition that will destroy your physical, mental, and emotional health.

It’s Okay to Not Feel Okay

As I get older, and realize everything doesn’t play out like they do in the movies, I often feel like everything is just not okay. I don’t feel like my life is exactly horrible. I don’t feel like I’ve fell into a deep depression and can’t find a way out. I’ll leave that one to my therapists to figure out. I don’t feel “okay” As in, I graduated high school and didn’t go straight to college and live the dorm life like I had hoped, I’ve had a couple of failed tragic relationships and finding a job that pays all the bills and gives stability kind of not okay. All this can sometimes bring a person down and make an individual think and re-evaluate their life. Which is what I have been doing. A LOT of thinking.

I know thousands of other young adults feel this exact way too. Things just didn’t go as planned and you get to a point in your life where you are at a standstill and any move you make could make or break you. I guess that’s what life is. It’s figuring out how to get through it. Making the right decisions. I feel like life is just a huge game of chess – I don’t know how to play chess. I’ve made a few bad decisions in my life that if i would have stopped and thought it through, I could very much had been more than halfway done with college and on my way to a successful career. I still question. Even if i did take that route, would i have been satisfied? Would i feel “okay” then?

My point is, It’s OKAY to not have it all together. We’re all adults and learning how to fly through life. Were going to make more than a few mistakes. We’re going to lose friends, gain friends, quit jobs, find jobs, lose money, and win money. Life is full of surprises – as cliche as that sounds. After we stop and think about it, we do get a little sad over it. The things that COULD HAVE BEEN.Recently, I was belittled for venting about all my life choices and being “sad” about my life. It’s okay to vent and its okay to be sad. Not saying to be sad about it forever, but stop for a day, re-evaluate everything that’s happened and figure out how to make the future better for yourself. Remember, it’s okay to not feel Okay.